you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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