yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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