who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
