dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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