I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
