3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
