theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
