woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
