just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
