No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
