i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
