just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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