There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
