My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
