So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
