You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
