Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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