for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
