I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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