I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
