I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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