Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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