mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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