Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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