She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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