God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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