ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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