i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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