Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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