Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
