I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
