There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
