I'm drive I can fine osifer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
