Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
