I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
