is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
