you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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