Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
