So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This house was built for laser tag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
