You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
