Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
