Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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