theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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