the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
