I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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