Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
