i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
