i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
