I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
