you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
