still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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