did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
