The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
