i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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