and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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