woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
