My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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