He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
