Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
