just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
