We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
