why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
