new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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