Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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