you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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