i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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