how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
