Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
