just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am spending my child support on dildos
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
