Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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