I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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