it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
