HIV tests are more positive than that guy
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
