i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
