my phone needs a breathalizer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
