I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
