It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
