Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
