I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
