After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
