DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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