I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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