I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
