Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
