We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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