It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
