i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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