just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
